Soul Stealing Thursday, Sep 15 2011 

Does anyone else feel like their soul is being devoured by their job?

Call me crazy but I think that’s the first sign that I need a career change. The downside of that is being able to afford all of my bills. In this economy, there is no way in hell I have a shot at a job that would pay me near the same and have much in security. Also doesn’t help that my fiance’ doesn’t have a remotely well paying job. If I can just hold onto a small part of my soul until my car is paid off then maybe i can find a job that isn’t so soul sucking and unfulfilling.

Although maybe if I would be better about taking my meds it might be easier. Although every work day is literally 110% of dread. I sleep like crap on work days and have motivation to do nothing. The rare day I do feel motivated i get so stressed from work and so workaholic that i dream about work. There isn’t a much worse nightmare that dreaming you are at work and still doing your workload in your sleep.

Zero hour well sorta Tuesday, Sep 13 2011 

I have been experiencing a lot of dizziness the past few months. I work with a diabetic that had a clean test needle, not blood sugar problems. Went to my general practitioner and got lots of meds and 2 months later still experiencing problems.

Today I am going to an ENT specialist. My left ear has felt clogged for a while now. I also keep wanting to go all Van Gogh on it and chop it off for the discomfort and occasional pain it causes me.

Add into the mix someone with anxiety that worries for the worst. My exact thoughts, “Do I have a tumor?” “OMG I might die!” and my personal favorite, “hell this job literally is starting to kill me.”

I hope I can get an answer today. 2011 has not been a good year for my health. Have either been stuffed up or dizzy all year it seems.

uncheerful Thursday, Sep 8 2011 

Wow what a not so cheerful day. Turns out I am getting a new supervisor at work…one who i already know does not like me. I know I have messed up a few times on the stuff I got from this person, so it might be deserved, but it still stinks. It’s another nail in the I can’t handle where I work coffin. It is really encouraging me to try to look for a different position.

It also is encouraging me further into figuring out a way to take steps toward self employment. But that leads me to ask myself will get just as anxious and nerved up if I was pilotting the plane instead of being just another crew member?